DEAR PRESS: You are in no way a bad parent for having made this choice. I think to have or attend a funeral should be a personal decision. As to whether or not there even is a funeral, that should be decided by the person who would be, let us say, the guest of honor.
For some reason, public figures either want big, blowout circuses -- or nothing at all. For example, my mother chose to have no funeral, as did Cary Grant and countless other well-known people. Conversely, many individuals plan the service they would like. Whatever people want is fine with me. As for "closure," that is a word I could live without. It is a concept I find meaningless; more of a wish than a possibility. In fact, what people call "closure" I find to be the end result of time and emotional progression, something that cannot be achieved by a burial -- or an electrocution, for that matter.
DEAR MARGO : As long as I can remember, my mother and I have never gotten along. Growing up, she blamed me for everything -- from why she was angry to the phone not working. I would overhear her praise my sister and oldest brother to everyone, but she would only speak of my other brother and me in a negative light. I was hit and emotionally abused by her. She never laid a hand on my older brother and sister . I can remember being as young as 5 and her telling me to eat poop and leave her house. Now that I am a mom, I thought our relationship might improve, but it hasn't. She still says horrible things behind my back and blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, though she tells people how successful the older two kids are and makes a big deal over them. I recently spent some time back in my hometown with family, and my 8-year-old overheard her telling my sister-in-law that I was using my husband for his money. Now my son is upset with her. I want to cut off all ties but don't want to lose my sister and my brother, who have always sided with her. I don't know what to do, but I am tired of feeling the way she has always made me feel.
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From Here to Eternity (Dear Margo)